Five Years

Five long years have gone by. Oh, how I miss my sweet daughter, who loved me and her dad and brothers so well. And she really, really loved her husband, Jeff. Five years ago last night during the night sometime, Erin took her flight to the unknown Heaven with Jesus. I say unknown because we've only read about Heaven. But I know she is there. I have often wondered what she does in Heaven. There is no time limits so whatever she loves she can do it as long as she wants. Erin loved people. So I imagine she is surrounded by her loved ones and friends who are there.
Jesus called it Paradise. So it must be wonderful.
Here on earth we are surrounded by trouble and trials every day. Berry is having trouble with his health, which distresses me. But I know that God is in control of all of it. David has improved his health and seems happier, for which we are very thankful. I still cry when I look at Erin's pictures. Erin and I shared everything. WE were very, very close. She worried about us as much as we worried about her all the years she was growing up. She made life so good for us..so much fun. She knew all the latest trends in fashion and style. She knew so many people in our area..even knew what kind of vehicle they drove when we'd meet them on the road.
I remember riding over to her house one night, I think to look at her Christmas lights or it might have been to ride over to where Jeff had made a beautiful wrought iron gate for someone. Erin was so proud of Jeff's work and she wanted me to see it.
Well, that night she and I got to the end of my street and saw a double rainbow in the sky. It was so beautiful. It was not long before she went to Heaven. I wondered later if it was a sign. So many memories over those 23 years and 3 days. So many wonderful memories of a love that a mother cherishes until the day she dies.
The saddest part is that we also lose the future on earth with our child. While I see on facebook how other people my age are having such fun with grandkids, I know Erin and I won't share that. People say well, you have David. And I do look so forward to seeing David's children should God bless him with them. But I wanted to enjoy Erin's children too. We would have had such fun.
But I have to go on living..living with the missing and hurting as a grieving mom. Some have said that I need to get over it or put it in the past. But what parent puts their child in the past, even if they have to leave this earth too soon..or at least too soon for us. What parent just goes on like nothing happened when they have buried the most precious thing on earth? I still get up each day, breathe in and out, and put one foot in front of the other. Some days even that is hard. I survive. I keep trying for David and BErry. I want to be here to see David's future, his wife, his children and to grow old with Berry. I survive. But part of who I am went to Heaven with Erin. It's just the way it is.

So, Erin, it's been a very, very long 5 years today for me. I'm glad, for you, that you don't have to suffer in this life and see what is happening in the earth. I'm glad you were spared that at least. But I miss you so much. And I love you so much, too.
Mama