Mother's Day 2010

My sweet Erin,
This was my 5th Mother's Day without you here beside me. I heard many "Happy Mother's Day" greetings from people. I just wanted to scream, 'How can I ever have a happy mother's day again when two of my children are in Heaven?' But I didn't. Like other grieving moms, I kept silent as I read the posts on facebook about other moms going shopping with their daughters or having family celebrations with all their children or going out to eat with their daughters. I kept silent and ached with the pain of not being able to even see you or hear you say "I love you" as you always did. You always made me feel I was loved beyond anything. I miss you so..not for what you did for me but for all the joy and sunshine that was you.

I guess, after a while, people just want to close their eyes to our pain and think we should just 'move on' with life. They are the ones who have never walked in this path we are on, nor do they want to. It's easier just to hold us at arm's length and not get too close lest some of our grief rub off on them. Family and friends, who are supposed to be walking so close to the Lord never call of come by just to comfort or check on us any more. But it's o.k. For the Lord has brought others into our lives who call nearly every day and pray for us and 'hold up our feeble hands' when we are in that valley of despair. And we, in turn, have been able to minister to others who are hurting like we are.

Erin, Mother's Day is not the same. I want you to know how deeply my heart grieves over you. I did see the little dragonfly come perch on a block of the wall of your garden today as I admired the beautiful flowers. I like to think you sent him my way to show me you are nearer than I even know.

I love you. Give your little sister, Heather, a big hug from me and also give Granny and Grandma one from us, too, on this day we honor our mothers.

I'll never stop loving or missing you
Mama