Finalized your stone today

My sweet Erin,
It seems like an eternity since I last saw your smile. Three years, two months, and 13 days ago you kissed me goodbye. Only you nor I knew it would be our last goodbye.
If I had known I would have held you a little closer as you left this, your home, for your home with Jeff. I would have not wanted you to leave at all. But, that night around 12:00 you left this earth for Heaven, much to our sorrow.
It's been the longest three years of our lives, knowing you are just out of reach, just out of sight and I can't get to you. My sweet, beautiful daughter, who just loved too deeply everyone who happened to cross your path. You loved me, daddy, David, Scott and your Jeff so deeply, so much--that sacrificial kind of love that is so rare. I miss you more than I ever did and I will until I can be where you are.

Well, you would be proud of me for finishing the decisions about your stone. It was a very, very tough thing to do-designing a stone that would reflect to the world the beauty that was you. The hand etching just didn't capture you so I decided to have a porcelain done of your graduation picture. Then we will have the scene of Jesus holding you in His arms as He welcomed you to Heaven. I think you would have approved of what I designed. But this is not the path I thought we would be walking. I never in a million years thought I'd be choosing a stone to mark where your earthly body rests. I thought you'd be doing that for me and laying flowers at my grave.

But, I know now that I will not understand in this life. I just have to accept that I can't bring you back, but I can go to where you are in Heaven one day when my life's work is accomplished.

I love you soooooooo much and always will. I am certain if God had not given us your brother and we didn't need to stay here, daddy and I would both be where you are now. The grief has been a very tough thing to bear. But we know David needs us to remain and we feel God wants us here for him so we just keep crying for your place in our family that is so very vacant now and just go on living. But if I could send you a message it would be that you were wrong when you said if something happened to you no one would miss you. You knew that when you said it, didn't you.
I would tell you that you are missed beyond all tears. I've cried at least a million of them since you left us. And I'll cry a million more I guess. I look at your picture and remember that little blonde haired blue eyed doll that it was my privilege to raise from a baby and I cry. I look at the young woman you had become and I cry. I remember those times when you were little and we'd hold hands in the car-just you and your mom-and I cry. I cry for my best friend that I had in you. I cry for the new part of our lives when you married Jeff and brought him into our family. We were so full and complete then. Now I don't have you or Jeff since he's married another and has no time for us anymore. I excuse him because I feel it must be too painful for him to come to this house where you and he shared so much time together.
You know David finally got to meet Breanna. I guess you were there in spirit because I felt that you were participating in that first date. She may become a part of our family and we will certainly welcome her if she chooses to. But you know that noone will ever take your place, my daughter, my sweet child who I miss with every single breath I take.

So your stone is designed and will be up in 3 or 4 weeks. It will honor the life of my sweet girl-the beauty of you.

Loving you forever,
Mama
5/15/09